Zeitungsterben? Wenn es nur so wäre. Neulich am Kiosk, kleiner Ausschnitt an Druckerzeugnissen, die mehr als jede Analyse etwas über den Zustand der Gesellschaft aussagen. Auszeit, dieser Zeitschriften-Name steht für ein Programm. Ein Programm der Flucht in die Innerlichkeit, ins Reich der Träume, raus aus dem realen Leben, und wenn nichts mehr geht: Schönheit als Strategie. Phrasen ohne Ende, hohles Geschwätz zwischen Esoterik, Legasthenie, Egoismus und Nivea-Creme. Die Zeitschrift happi spirit by happinez (steht so da, hab ich mir nicht ausgedacht), Fachbereich Mindstyle, 6,95 Euro, hätte ich mir beinahe gekauft. Wegen des Artikels „Warum Essen Dich heilen kann“. Ausgerechnet Essen, diese deprimierende Ruhrpott-Tristesse, soll mich heilen, wo mich doch Köln schon krank gemacht hat?!
Diese Zeitschriften stehen für eine Kapitulation des autonomen Ich vor der Gewalt der herrschenden Zustände. Es geht nur noch um Selbstoptimierung, um fit zu sein für das tägliche Rattenrennen ums Überleben im Kapitalismus. So spricht der Herr, das Kapital: „Und willst Du jetzt nicht achtsam sein, dann schlag ich Dir den Schädel ein.“
Ich suchte vergeblich nach Zeitschriften wie „Alle Macht den Räten, brecht dem Kapital die Gräten – Das Organ für ein radikales Sowjet-Deutschland“ oder „Macht aus dem Staat Gurkensalat – Die Zeitung für die fröhliche Anarcha“.
Nach meinem nächsten Kiosk-Besuch stelle ich die bunte Palette der Filosofie-Zeitschriften vor. Auch hier ein breites Angebot für Sinnsuchende in schweren Zeiten, in diesem Fall für die mit Notabitur. Da gibt es genauso viel Unsinn, nur etwas elaborierter formuliert.
Wir aber wenden uns der Tröstung für den Verstand zu, dem Reich der Fakten, Zahlen und Daten. Der Kirche der Vernunft, dem Statistischen Bundesamt, das mich um 8 Uhr MEZ mit der Nachricht beglückte:
„237 Kilogramm Verpackungsmüll pro Kopf fielen 2021 in Deutschland an. Seit 2005 ist die Pro-Kopf-Menge an Verpackungsmüll um 26 % gestiegen“
Seit Jahrzehnten wird von allen Kanzeln gepredigt: Geht in Euch, tut Buße und vermeidet Müll, denn wehe, sonst ist der Planet dem Untergang geweiht.“
Und das kommt dabei raus.
Also, liebe Gemeinde, glaubt nicht den Tröstungen des Feuilletons, wo allerlei Geschwafel über die neuen Jugend-Generation Euer Hirn vernebelt, eine Generation, die angeblich keinen Bock auf Autofahren und Auto als Statussymbol mehr hat, die nachhaltiger lebt als alle zuvor und Müll vermeidet und nicht mehr fliegt etc. pp. blablabla. Alles dummes Zeug, es wird geflogen auf Teufel komm raus, die PKW-Zulassungszahlen kennen nur eine Richtung, nach oben, die SUVs sind jetzt schon größer als der durchschnittliche BuWe-Panzer und die Müllberge in Deutschland nehmen alpine Ausmaße aus.
Lesen Sie den Wirtschaftsteil, lassen Sie sich in den Verteiler des Statistischen Bundesamtes aufnehmen und machen sich dann ihre eigenen Gedanken.
Und morgen erzähle ich Euch ein Märchen aus Tausendundeine Nacht, aus Dubai, vom Klimagipfel. Das Märchen heißt „Wir retten die Welt“. Schnall Euch vorher an, es ist nämlich zum Totlachen.
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