Tipp: Die Antwort ist im Hinweis „Köln“ auf der Leuchttafel zu sehen. In keiner mir bekannten Stadt ist das Ankommen am Bahnhof so imposant wie in Köln: Vorne der Dom, hinten der Rhein. Berlin punktet da einerseits mit dem Blick auf Reichstag und Regierungsviertel, zum Europaplatz hingegen mit einer architektonischen Katastrophe: Hier wurde mit gesichtslosen Quadern für Jahrzehnte die Chance vertan, städtebauliche Metropolen-Akzente zu setzen. Hannover ist nach hinten öde und langweilig, nach vorne langweilig und öde und zusätzlich depressiv. Hamburg nicht besser, und bei kleineren Orten landen wir direkt in der Hölle. Selten bin ich strukturell so suizidgefährdet gewesen wie beim Ankommen in Bahnhöfen von Orten wie Erlangen, Braunschweig, Peine, Lehrte, Barsinghausen, Orte, die gesichtslos, kulturlos, meist menschenlos vor sich hindämmern, nicht unähnlich den armen gestrandeten Existenzen, die in ihrem Schatten ihr Dasein fristen.
Köln dagegen!
Empfand ich heuer allerdings auch eher als Depressionsbeschleuniger. Ich wollte gar nicht da sein, nur eine als solche empfundene Pflicht trieb mich dahin. Viel lieber wollte ich Zuhause unter der Bettdecke auf den Frühling warten als ausgerechnet nach Köln. Das ist keine Stadt, das ist ein Dauerzustand karnevalesker Kölsch-getränkter Korruption.
Es zog wie Hechtsuppe auf der Domplatte, saukalt, goss in Strömen und war unglaublich voll. Der Bahnhof ist viel zu groß für die Umgebung, wie eine Wurst da reingepresst, wie eine undichte Wurst, bei der aus allen Löchern die Menschlein quollen wie graues, aasiges Wurstbrät, das ohne Unterlass in den Wurstdarm nachgestopft wird.
Ich drängelte mich durch das Wurstbrät, um in den Dom zu gelangen, Luft schnappen, Transzendenz tanken. Keine Chance, das Wurstbrät, getrieben von vorweihnachtlich dumpfem Drang nach Spiritualität, drängelte sich in endloser Schlange davor, die Satelliten-Aufnahmen zufolge bis Bielefeld reichte. Weiter, zum Weihnachtsmarkt nebenan, am 4711-Haus. Besser passen Arsch und Eimer auch nicht zusammen als Weihnachtsmarkt und 4711-Haus. Meine Hoffnung, dass dieser würdelose Irrsinn meines derzeitigen Daseins auf Erden durch den Sprengstoffgürtel eines Islamisten, die ja wohl alle Weihnachtsmärkte auf Erden im Visier haben, beendet würde, war eine trügerische: Das Wurstbrät, vielfach mit Weihnachtskappen zur Kenntlichkeit verunstaltet, stapelte sich schon am Eingang in Mehrfachlagen. Es war wie vor Stalingrad, kein Durchkommen. Beißender Glühweingeruch stach mir in die Nase, vermutlich mit Riesengebläsen aus dem Keller des 4711-Hauses in die Welt gepumpt.
In allem Widerwärtigen aber liegt der Keim der Hoffnung: Schlimmer kann es doch gar nicht werden. Von wegen – Asche zu Asche, Hoffnung zu Hoffnung. Vor mir, neben der Wurstbrät-Schlange zum Dom, ein Pflastermaler.
Neben zwei, drei Sätzen in Kreide zum Frieden auf Erden für alle, zeichnete er in niedlichen Herzchen die Farben der Flaggen von zahlreichen Staatengebilden. Zwei fehlten: Russland und Israel. Mag das Fehlen Russlands noch einem kühlen ökonomischen Kalkül geschuldet sein, war das Fehlen von Israel dem Antisemitismus des Schmierfinken geschuldet. Statt Israel prangte da in entsprechenden Farben: Free Palestine. Meint im Regelfall „Von Jerusalem bis zum Meer“ und ist eine knallharte antisemitische Codierung zur Auslöschung des Staates Israel und seiner Bevölkerung. Ich sprach den Mann mehrfach an, auf Deutsch und Englisch: Was ist mit Israel? Erntete aber nur: Nix versteh.
Wo ist die Ausländerpolizei, wenn man sie mal braucht. Mittlerweile war ich, wie Sie an diesem Zynismus sehen, in einem Zustand jenseits von Eden. Ich tröstete mich mit der Anerkennung dieser Pflastermalerei als perfektem Messinstrument für Effizienz, Ertrag und Stimmungslage. Wenn Sie genau hinsehen, erkennen Sie die Anzahl der Münzen auf den jeweiligen Landesfarben: Deutschland voran, gefolgt von Belgien und Holland, nahe bei Köln, Ukraine, Albanien (?) und Free Palestine. Diese Art der Malerei, Malen nach Fahnen, war mir neu. Ich find’s pfiffig. Bis auf den Antisemitismus.
Es wurde aber doch noch fast alles gut. Ein nächtlicher Spaziergang durch den Kölner Szenekiez Nippes enthüllte dessen durchaus vorhandenen Charme. Das ist aber eine andere Geschichte und bis dahin: Friede auf Erden. Zumindest den Hütten.
Den Palästen aber jenen Krieg, den sie tagtäglich aufs Neue säen.
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