Aus dem Archiv: Asphalt 05/2013: Hannovers Chef-Satiriker agitiert mal wieder die Massen.
Die Diskussion um eine gerechtere Verteilung des Reichtums erinnert mich an das Krokodil im Badesee: Taucht regelmäßig auf, wird kurz heiß diskutiert und taucht ebenso regelmäßig völlig folgenlos wieder unter. Bis zum nächsten Mal. Im Moment fordern wieder alle Machtlosen dieser Erde machtvoll eine solidarische Beteiligung der Superreichen an der Finanzierung unseres Gemeinwesens. Sogar auf dem aktuellen SPD-Parteitag! Man sieht sie förmlich zittern, die Superreichen (ab 30 mio. Vermögen aufwärts). Aber nicht vor Angst um ihren Zaster, sondern vor Lachen. Für die ist der Anblick von SPD-Parteitagen vermutlich das, was für den aufgeklärten Citoyen und Zeit-Leser der Anblick der „Heute-Show“ ist: Eine amüsante Kabarettveranstaltung.
Die Geschichte oben ist 10 Jahre alt. Damals war die Situation schlimm, heute sind wir 10 Jahre weiter. Das nennt man Fortschritt. Alles ist wesentlich schlimmer geworden, mittlerweile kommen wir nicht mehr zum Durchatmen, Krise ist der Normalzustand und die Aussichten sind gruseliger denn je.
Das spiegelt ja auch dieser Blog wieder. Er ist mitunter satirisch, heiter, amüsant, vielleicht sogar zum Lachen, aber alles in allem ist der eine der trostlosesten Veranstaltungen, die ich kenne. Leute mit Depressionen sollten den auf jeden Fall meiden, sonst besteht Strickgefahr. Im Vergleich dazu ist Dantes Inferno eine Karnevalsveranstaltung: „Der Weltuntergang steht vor der Tür! Wolle mer ne roilasse? Tätäää und Narhallamarsch.“
Für meinen Blog gibt es eine Bezeichnung, die es nicht gibt, noch nicht: Er ist post-dystopisch. Ich hoffe nur, dass wenigstens ab und zu durchschimmert, dass die Lage aus meiner Sicht zwar hoffnungslos, aber keinesfalls ernst ist, dass in all dem Elend es in fast allen Regionen der Welt noch viel, viel elender zugeht, und dass es ein Heilmittel gibt: Action! Was tun. Rausgehen, Flagge zeigen, Chefsatiriker werden, lieber Hammern und Sicheln statt Jammern und Picheln. Was auch immer. Hauptsache action.
Action speaks louder than words (Erst nach dem Lesen reinhören, es besteht die Gefahr, dass Sie nach vier Takten sofort tanzen müssen).
Aber als Ausgleich für die jahrelang erduldete Dusternis hier gibt es jetzt was zum Lachen, zum Totlachen, absolute Brüller aus meinem Witze-Verleih, dem einzigen der Welt. Chuck Norris Witze! Auf Anregung meines geliebten Neffen (Greetz, Digga!) hier ein paar der Besten. Chuck Norris wird Ihnen, liebe Leserinnen, vermutlich nichts sagen. Er ist eine ultrapeinliche Person , Kampfsportlermuskelpaket, erzreaktionär, gegen dessen Filme sind vermutlich die Rambofilme von der Message her sowas wie das Kommunistische Manifest. Über Chuck Norris gibt es jede Menge Witze, die aber mittlerweile so out sind wie Ostfriesenwitze. Mit denen, die immer extrem kurz seine Superkräfte zum Inhalt haben, wurde ich unlängst via soziale Medien belästigt und fand die auf einer speziellen Metaebene der Peinlichkeit zum Brüllen. Hier nun die Besten, legen Sie sich schon mal flach, sonst werden Sie flachgelegt, vor Lachen, von den besten Witzen des Universums:
Chuck Norris hat gestern die Schallmauer tapeziert.
Wenn Chuck Norris in die Steckdose greift, dann bekommt der Strom einen Schlag.
Chuck Norris benutzt Tabasco als Augentropfen
Chuck Norris kann den toten Winkel reanimieren
Wenn Chuck Norris Zwiebeln schneidet, weinen die Zwiebeln
Chuck Norris hat den Niagara Fall gelöst.
Chuck Norris kennt die letzte Ziffer von Pi. Persönlich.
Chuck Norris unterscheidet Atom- und Ökostrom am Geschmack.
Chuck Norris korrigiert die Rechtschreibfehler im Duden.
Versöhnliches zum Schluss: Ich habe ein neues Genre ins Leben gerufen. Anti-Chuck Norris-Witze. Hier der erste für Sie:
Chuck Norris ist die peinlichste Person des Universums. Er hat den Urknall.
Ich bin in der Weihnachtszeit mit meinem Witze-Verleih auf Deutschland Tour. Wenn ich in Ihre Stadt komme, liebe Leserinnen, und Sie Interesse an Chuck Norris-Witzen haben, fragen Sie mich einfach nach Bückware. Ostzonis und Pornofreaks der alten BRD werden wissen, was damit gemeint ist .
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Time is often called the soul of motion, the great measure of change, but what if it is merely an illusion? What if we are not moving forward but simply circling the same points, like the smoke from a burning fire, curling back onto itself, repeating patterns we fail to recognize? Maybe the past and future are just two sides of the same moment, and all we ever have is now.
Friendship, some say, is a single soul residing in two bodies, but why limit it to two? What if friendship is more like a great, endless web, where each connection strengthens the whole? Maybe we are not separate beings at all, but parts of one vast consciousness, reaching out through the illusion of individuality to recognize itself in another.
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Even the gods, if they exist, must laugh from time to time. Perhaps what we call tragedy is merely comedy from a higher perspective, a joke we are too caught up in to understand. Maybe the wisest among us are not the ones who take life the most seriously, but those who can laugh at its absurdity and find joy even in the darkest moments.
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The potential within all things is a mystery that fascinates me endlessly. A tiny seed already contains within it the entire blueprint of a towering tree, waiting for the right moment to emerge. Does the seed know what it will become? Do we? Or are we all simply waiting for the right conditions to awaken into what we have always been destined to be?
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